A huge problem in relationships comes up all the time. This is when your ex cheated on you, you got mad and kicked them out, and now you want them back. This happens all the time.
Is there a way to get them back and yet stop infidelity from occurring again? Is there a way to get them back and keep your dignity? After all, they cheated on you, so if you just take them back you can end up dealing with the same problem just down the road. You want them back, but you don’t want any more infidelity.
Fortunately, there are some powerful steps you can follow to not only get your ex back but likely keep them from repeating their unacceptable behavior. And the very first step is to set up a conversation with them where you get them to just listen to you. Since listening can be hard for them, you explain that you won’t be attacking or blaming, so they don’t need to argue or defend, they just need to listen.
Once you have got your mate to promise to listen without arguing, you then vent your feelings about how their infidelity made you feel. You do this by using what are called I Statements. I feel very hurt and sad about what you did. I feel like you betrayed us and I don’t know how I can ever trust you anymore…
You focus on communicating feelings not judgments and criticisms. The critical point is to vent your hurt feelings and to be heard by your partner. This allows you to begin to get those feelings off your chest and release them. You then have room for true forgiveness and a better relationship going forward.
Once you have vented for a while, then you can check to see if your mate understands how they made you feel. If they have empathized, if they have heard you, then you will likely feel much more ready to forgive. You then ask them if they can promise not to do that again, and if they say yes, you can explore taking them back into your life.
The key is not to attack and fight with your ex, but to create a situation where they can hear from you the pain they caused. This creates room for true forgiveness and it begins to rebuild some trust.
There’s much more detail to this, obviously. But just by practicing the above steps you can clear the air some and make room for forgiveness and then love. There is more work to do to get them back and repair the trust, but this is a good start. You can actually use the infidelity to repair your relationship and make it even better in the future.
